It started in the end of January 2018. I experienced the feeling of unexplained fatigue for some times. I guess the most significant measure was that I wasn’t able to carry that one bulky laptop that I used to put in my backpack every single day when I was in collage. Haha it was crazy, it felt so weird that I cannot carry that laptop on my back. I thought was there anything wrong with my health? Well, not until early February that my husband and I witnessed the two red strips. We were happy and our family were full of joy hearing the good news :) Our first visit to the doctor went very well. We want to make sure that there were no false alarm from the two pregnancy test home strips that we used. From the ultrasound, our doctor confirmed that the site of the pregnancy is within the cavity of the uterus, so everything was fine with our 5-weeks-old future child. InsyaAllah next visit will be next month.
Throughout the pregnancy I experienced everything what a mother-to-be might going through. The morning sickness (which for me it’s an all-day nauseated feeling haha), the headache (that feels like a kick in the head), all-day tiredness and of course once or twice slight cramps on my belly. Oh everything was worth the experience :) I thought it was normal until the cramps got really severe and the headache occurred more frequently…
And that day came. I went to a job interview that morning. Despite the fact that I feel tired like every other normal day, I went to the book shop in GI afterwards to look for some pregnancy books and also readings about rising a child. I bought two books and then I went to the toilet. That was when I realized that I was spotting. In shock, I tried to control my reaction. At that time I thought I won’t be that person who cries in a mall hysterically alone. I messaged my husband, told him the situation. He immediately called, and as soon as I heard his voice I just couldn’t control my feelings. I cried a lot, so much, so hard, silently, in front of our favorite coffee shop. Less than an hour later he showed up from his office, comforted me, comforted us.
Later on that afternoon, we went to the doctor. She said that I was bleeding quite a lot, but the baby was fine. We can even see the heart beat. So I was told to take bed rest for several days. I got prescribed medicines to ease the cramps contraction and also to strengthen my pregnancy. And so I did, I didn’t left the bed for a week. I eat 6 times daily. I drink my meds diligently. My mom supported me, making sure I got up only if I went to the bathroom which was only 3 to 4 steps away from the bed. I wasn’t even allowed to sit up for too long. My husband, he stayed by my side, always. But the bleeding didn’t stop.
The next week we went to the doctor again. We did our best, but unfortunately Allah swt has different path for us. At 8 week, I lost my pregnancy.
“Allah tidak membebani seseorang kecuali sesuai dengan batas kemampuannya. Baginya ganjaran untuk apa yang diusahakannya, dan ia akan mendapat siksaan untuk apa yang diusahakannya. Dan mereka berkata, Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau menghukum kami jika kami lupa atau kami berbuat salah. Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau membebani kami tanggung jawab seperti Engkau telah bebankan atas orang-orang sebelum kami. Ya Tuhan kami janganlah Engkau membebani kami apa yang kami tidak kuat menanggungnya; dan ma’afkanlah kami dan ampunilah kami serta kasihanilah kami kerana Engkaulah Pelindung kami, maka tolonglah kami terhadap kaum kafir.” (Al Baqarah : 287)
“Dan ketahuilah, bahwa hartamu dan anak-anakmu itu hanyalah sebagai cobaan dan sesungguhnya di sisi Allah-lah pahala yang besar.” (Q.S. Al Anfal: 27)